


Of memories and comfort

by Traumatas



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks (kinda), Rating May Change, there will be fluff in the second chapter dont worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 02:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12902100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traumatas/pseuds/Traumatas
Summary: Takumi's life had never been fair or easy, but the moment Leo had stepped in it had taken a turn for the better.He truly believed that - war or not - he had found happiness, security, comfort and love in his nohrian counterpart. Believed that nothing could ever change the utter joy that settled in his chest, whenever his eyes met those of Leo.Leo was the one true constant by his side.So when one day Takumi realizes that his husband hasn't returned from battle, it felt like his whole world shattered right in front of his eyes.Life had never been kind to Takumi.





	Of memories and comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Well would you look at that.  
> Good ol' Andrea actually wrote a fanfiction. This is like the rarest thing in the world  
> That being said: English is not my native language blah blah and I hope you have fun reading this!  
> I'm always happy about feedback <:

 

Takumi’s feet stopped in their tracks and he had to catch a breath. There was a small smile on his lips.

 

They had won.

 

He felt his muscles relax and the tension finally leaving his body. Slowly, he loosened the grip of his fingers around the Fujin Yumi, filling his lungs with the much needed air before his feet picked up once again to rejoin the rest of the army.

 

When he got close enough, a few heads turned his way including Corrin’s. They were smiling wildly once their eyes fell upon him, immediately taking in their younger brothers appearance.

After giving Kazes shoulder a strong squeeze and a sending a quick nod towards him, they turned completely away from their retainer and to Takumi, approaching him in obviously good spirits.

They didn't look like they suffered a lot of injuries. A few small cuts on their cheeks, which could easily be fixed by the use of a staff, and some dents and scratches on their armor were all Takumi could make out without checking on them thoroughly.

Corrin was fine. Visibly exhausted but fine.

 

„I'm so glad to see you are Ok, Takumi!“, Corrin said, obviously pleased with seeing their brother.

 

They gave him a short hug, careful, just in case Takumi had been hurt in any way, not that it was actually necessary.

He barely got a scratch, most of his cuts coming from anything but enemy attacks and only a few had actually managed to cut through his clothes and into his skin. There were probably a few bruises here and there, but nothing to worry about.

The cautiousness of his sibling was still appreciated.

 

„Glad you're too.“, he answered, gently tightening the embrace for a quick moment, indicating that Corrin didn't have to worry.

 

„You did great out there!“, they stated, causing a slight blush to appear on Takumi’s cheek at the praise. He gave them a small smile and a quick tilt of his head to thank them, while their embrace was once again tightened for a short moment.

 

The hug didn't last much longer however and his older sibling let go of him just a second later, to make sure his retainers were fine as well.

 

At some point Corrin made it a habit, to quickly check on everyone the moment they returned to their camp and to send them to a medical tent immediately if they noticed anything was off.

They made it their duty to not let a single injury unattended and as much as Takumi appreciated it, sometimes it could get a bit tedious to have his older sibling fuss over his well being whenever he came back from a hunt.

'Just to make sure. You are my brother after all' Corrin had said, when he asked them why it was necessary for him to check in with them every time he returned. He still remembered how Hinoka had backed Corrin up, agreeing that this was what older siblings did and how Takumi’s chest had filled with warmth, knowing his siblings cared about him.

 

Once Oboro and Hinata affirmed that they were uninjured and well, they all joined the rest of the army. Greeting the familiar faces.

Takumi’s eyes wandered to his siblings without a second thought.

 

They all seemed to be alright as far as he could tell.

Hinoka hadn't accompanied them this time, but she was standing next to Sakura who, besides some bruises and dirt on her clothing, was unharmed, much to everyone's delight. They were happily chatting with Elise, who probably pestered Sakura about her state, determined to tend to her wounds when needed.

Takumi’s gaze lingered on Ryoma for a second and besides looking unharmed as well on the first glance, he could tell that he his older brother was keeping his weight on his left leg, avoiding to shift onto the right one. The fabric of his pants was torn, and some of it was stained red. He didn't seem to be bleeding anymore though and Takumi assumed that either Sakura or Elise had immediately pulled him aside to take care of it. Other than that he only looked as exhausted as everyone else.

 

Takumi was relieved to see that his siblings had not taken too much of a beating in the heat of battle.

They all had been more than prepared and everything was planned out. Their formation had worked out just as Corrin had hoped it would. Their enemies didn't stand a single chance at any point of the battle. 

  
  


Knowing that he didn't have to worry about his siblings anymore, he let his eyes wander over the rest of their soldiers, giving Camilla and her wyvern a quick glance before moving along further, eyes scanning every face.

He knew who he was looking for.

Takumi couldn't wait to throw his arms around Leo’s neck and to pull him down into one of their sweet reunion kisses. No matter how often Oboro called them disgusting, giving them a raised eyebrow and a smile, when they parted. Leo always managed to answer her with a witty comment. Like he had spent the whole battle specifically trying to come up with the perfect reply, when in reality it was made up on spot.

The thought made something warm spread inside Takumi’s heart, but as quickly as his body was filled with the blissful warmth, it vanished nearly immediately and was replaced by nothing but plain cold dread.

Maybe it was the high of the victory slowly subsiding or the way his anxiety started spiking up in record time, but the moment he realized that he didn't see the familiar soft, blond hair, the tall form or the smug, handsome face of his husband, he felt a dead weight settling down deep in his stomach. He felt his body going numb to a degree and panic settled heavily in his chest.

The pace of his heartbeat picked up and his ribcage felt way too small all of the sudden.

He let his eyes scan over the whole army yet again, worried, desperately, hoping he had just accidentally skipped him somehow. Not that he was actually having any believing in that himself.

 

_ Nothing.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Not even his retainers. _

 

Within the blink of an eye Takumi felt overwhelming fear rising in his painfully tightening chest. His throat felt like it was squeezed tightly, not allowing him to take in enough air. His breath picked up in a desperate attempt to fill his lungs with Oxygen.

It took all of his self control to not start trembling. His skin started tingling unpleasantly.   
It was hard to ignore how aware he was of the ring on his right hand, how it suddenly seemed to weigh five times as much while burning into his skin.

The feeling of his limbs becoming heavy send another wave of fear and panic through his body.

Takumi knew he should move, should not waste any time with standing there and doing nothing, but he didn't trust his feet in this very moment of realization.   
  
Leo was missing.

 

This couldn't be happening. This  _ shouldn't _ be happening.

Leo wasn't supposed to to be missing. He was supposed to stand right next to him, where Takumi knew he belonged. They were supposed to be holding hands and tease each other about who performed better during battle. He was supposed to tell his husband that his collar had been the wrong way around the entire time.   
  
But Leo  _ wasn't _ here. 

 

Takumi should have looked for his husband first when he came back.    
He shouldn't have checked in with Corrin first, he should have walked right past them without thinking. He should have made sure Leo had returned and  was unharmed. But he didn't and now he had lost a considerable amount of time.   
His eyes started to burn and he was aware how close he was to crying.    
  
This was his fault. He should have paid more attention.

 

Takumi exhaled shakily, the lump in his throat increasing in size.

It was impossible to breath.

 

If Leo was here we would tell him to slow down. To close his eyes and steady his now panicked breathing in that oh so familiar calm and reassuring voice of his. He would make him look up in his soft brown eyes, giving him this worried look that always helped to ground him and bring him back to what was important. There would be a slender yet strong hand squeezing his own rough one, while the other would caress his cheek or rub his back.

 

Leo would tell Takumi that everything was fine and there was no need to worry.   
  
He would help him through it.

 

Nothing was fine though.    
There was more than a need to worry. Frankly there was a need to freak out.   
  
_ Because Leo wasn’t here _

 

Leo didn't return.

 

_ Leo wasn't safe. _

 

„Where's Leo?“, Takumi asked, poorly disguising the shakiness of his voice.

His head had snapped to this side where Corrin was standing just a few feet away from him, already caught up in another conversation that came to a quick halt by the tone of his voice and the sharpness of his question.

 

Corrin blinked once, twice, before turning their head and scanning the area for the oh so recognizable ridiculous cape, the dark black armor or even just the mages mount.

 

It could easily be a trick of his panicking mind, but Takumi saw Corrin tense up.

His older sibling opened their mouth as to say something, eyes still roaming the area around them, but carefully, slowly closed it again.

The little hope he had had, that maybe Leo was sent to a medical tent or was just tending to his horse at the stables already was vanishing into thin air when Corrins gaze met his once again.

 

Their eyebrows furrowed and the worry was clear in their features.    
He was sure the usually happy and lively glance in their eyes was missing, but Takumi might just miss it due to the tears that started to fill his own.

 

„I-“, They began, voice small, but stopped immediately, clenching and unclenching their hands. 

 

Takumi could barely hear them, the beating of his own heart too loud in his ears.

 

„Corrin. Where is Leo?“, he asked – no – begged this time, even though he knew, even though he could  _ see  _ that Corrin wouldn’t be able to answer his question. 

 

After a pause that seemed to stretch on forever, Corrin finally answered.

 

„I-I don't know.“

 

_ Leo was dead for all that he knew.  _   
  
  


 

He could barely remember the next few minutes, much less clearly. They were too much of a hectic blur and he could barely keep up with the speed of his own thoughts rushing through his head. They were too many and too fast.   
The realization that Leo could have been killed caused him to completely panic and all he knew was, that he had to find his husband as soon as possible.    
He had to find him before it was too late.    
  
In the back of his mind he registered that he had turned on his heels, shouting for Hinata and Oboro to join him, not that he would actually wait for them.    
Takumi ignored Corrin’s worried calls as he started moving. He had lost enough time already and knew they didn’t have enough left to assign anyone to a search party.    
Or maybe he didn’t know. Maybe all he was focused on was finding his husband immediately.   
  
What if he got captured by enemy forces? What if he was still in danger?  What if he was dying at this very moment?   
  
Before he could take another step forward, his retainers already sprinting towards him, someone grabbed his wrist. Takumi turned around just to look directly into Corrin’s concerned face. They seemed displeased.    
  
Without a second thought he tried to free himself from their grip.    
  
“Let g-”    
  
“Takumi you need to calm down.”, They said and he  _ knew _ they were trying to keep him from making any rash decisions and from driving himself into a state of complete panic, but Takumi was too desperate to listen to them. He was too scared.   
  
“There’s no  _ time _ to calm down!”, he shouted, probably louder than necessary, louder than he actually wanted to. “Leo could be d-dead and you tell me to ‘ _ calm down _ ’?” He stumbled over his own words as the volume of his voiced increased even further and he wasn’t able to hold back his tears nor his shaking anymore.    
Saying it out loud made his fears turn painfully real, not longer just an idea put in his mind by his anxiety. He was trembling horribly and his vision was blurry.    
When he pulled his arm free from his siblings hand, with more force than needed - not that he cared much in that very moment -, he stumbled back a few steps. Bringing a bit of distance between him and his older sibling.   
It seemed impossible to concentrate on anything besides Leo. Every scenario his mind came up with being worse than the last.    
Leo, face down in the dirt, with an arrow shot precisely into his neck. Leo, dead, a lance pushed right through his heart. Leo being scorched, unrecognizable.   
They all had one in common though. His husband's heart wasn’t beating anymore.    
Takumi couldn’t hold back a choked sob.    
  
“We- We  _ need _ to find him.”, his voice was just as loud as before, but the longer he stood around doing nothing, the more hope he lost. The further away Leo seemed to get from him.    
  
At this point most of the heads had turned towards them. He should probably be worried about screaming, about losing his temper again but he couldn’t focus. Why wouldn’t Corrin just understand?   
  


As if they heard his pleading mind, they turned around, now facing the rest of the army. Within a second they did their best to put together a structured search party and handle the situation as efficiently as they could. Not that Takumi cared.

  
Camilla had tensed up hearing the name of her beloved brother, immediate fury taking over her beautiful features and she was already rushing towards her wyvern, while Elise was talking to Ryoma and Sakura frantically. It slowly seemed to draw to them what exactly Takumi was freaking out about.    
  
Takumi himself didn’t notice any of it. The moment Corrin had turned away from him, he had wiped his sleeve across his face in an attempt to get rid of the tears and had sprinted in the direction Leo had headed just a few hours ago.    
  
“TAKUMI! WAIT!”   
  
He ignored Corrin’s calls for him to stop and wait for them.    
Takumi wasn’t ready to deal with them anymore at this point. There was something way more important on his mind. Something more urgent. Something that meant more to him.   
  
His legs still hurt from the previous battle and every breath he took was hard and left his lung burning, but he didn’t care.   
He didn’t care about how his exhausted body screamed at him to stop. He didn’t care if anyone was following him. He didn’t even care if Oboro or Hinata were close by to help him if needed.   
All he cared about was Leo. Stupid perfect Leo.   
And he prayed to the gods that they hadn’t decided to let Leo’s life end just yet. 

  
\-----------

  
  


It hadn’t taken them long to find Leo.    
  


After Takumi had run off on his own, not even waiting for his retainers to catch up.    
Corrin had quickly sent Camilla, accompanied by Hinoka and Ryoma,  of to look for their brother before grabbing a few allies of their own, heading in another direction than Takumi. They knew that they needed to search through as much area as fast as possible.   
  
In the end it had been Camilla and her trusty wyver, that had found him and while Takumi felt useless for not getting to Leo first, he was secretly thankful it was her that found him. Not only was she faster and capable of getting him to the medical tent in time, but Takumi  _ knew _ he couldn’t have handled the sight of his husband.    
  
According to Ryoma the scene they stumbled upon had looked horrifying.   
His brother had spared him the nastiest details of it, but what he had explained to him was already enough to make Takumi’s insides turn and pull together painfully, leaving him feeling sick and shaking. It had been a surprise that he hadn’t toppled over and emptied his stomach at the waves of panic and anxiety crashing down on him   
  
Leo had been laying on the ground, Brynhildr several feet away from him in the mud.    
His armor was barely intact, parts missing or broken off completely, others torn and bent. Camilla had said she assumed it was a particularly powerful strike of magic or maybe even multiple, sure that no ordinary weapon could have done that kind of damage to the enchantments of Leo’s armor. He had been blasted of the back of his horse, they guessed, considering said mount was nowhere to be found.    
One of Leo’s legs had been twisted in an unnatural angle, most likely broken if not shattered completely, and he was bleeding heavily from a big wound on his forehead, his usually soft blond hair dirty and red. His arm had burns that looked like they were caused by a lightning traveling right underneath his skin, which, as Sakura had told him later, travelled down most of his side and chest as well. The skin around the burns was a sickly looking black.    
Ryoma had mentioned that, just for a split second he had seen movement underneath the blackened skin but quickly passed it off as imagination or after effects of the tome that been used.   
Yet the information unsettled Takumi deeply, making his heart pound against his ribcage.   
The part of Leo’s skin that hadn’t been defaced by magic, was paled more than usual due to the blood loss and was covered in dark blue and purple bruises, most likely caused by the force of his fall.    
There was hesitation in his brother's voice when he had explained, that he had been certain that hope was already lost, once he noticed the big, heavily bleeding gash on Leo’s side that left him lying in a puddle of his own blood.    
If Takumi was going to believe what Ryoma had told him, Niles and Odin had been in an even worse shape, lying unconscious just close by. The information did nothing to calm his mind in the slightest   
  
Once they had found Leo, Ryoma didn’t waste a single second and sent Hinoka to look for Takumi, knowing that his brother would want to be informed immediately.   
  
When he arrived at the medical tent they were treating Leo in, he was stopped by Corrin. They were telling  him yet again that he needed to calm down, more careful and considerate this time.    
Just as he was about to protest and push his way past his sibling with as much force as needed to see his husband, Corrin had told him that they didn’t need any further distractions and that him intruding would just harm Leo even more and as much Takumi hated to admit it: He had to agree. They were right.   
So he ended up being stuck outside the tent, sitting on the ground and refusing to move even a single inch. His eyes were focused on the ground, tears still running down his cheeks and sobs rocking his body, even more so than before. He was torn between emotions of anger and fear. He was barely able to handle it.   
  
Ryoma had sat down next to him, his hand carefully on his younger brother's shoulder, moving slowly, comforting and that’s when he started to describe to him the state they had found Leo in, Camilla interrupting from time to time to add her informations and observation.   
He hadn’t given them a response once.   
  
Takumi didn’t know how long he was sitting there in the dirt and cold, just waiting for one of the priests to exit the tent, telling him that his husband had passed away. Every second  had felt like hours. Not for a single moment the fear and panic subsided, nor did the tears stop.

  
Once the sun began to set, turning all the colors a way too beautiful orange color, that he just couldn’t stand to see, long after people had stopped approaching him in an attempt to talk, he heard the tent next to him open. His head snapped up immediately and Takumi felt dizzy just from doing so.    
  
Azama was standing right next to him, a soft characteristic smile on his face.    
  
Seeing someone smile left a sour feeling in his mouth.    
  
“Prince Takumi.”, he said, nodding down towards the prince, wordlessly asking him to stand up.   
  
Takumi shuffled to his feet, not quite standing steadily. His own legs were feeling strange to him.    
He didn’t trust his voice, sure that he wouldn’t even be able to get out a single word.   
Instead he looked up at his sister's retainer, eyes wide in fear, unsure how he would react if the news were bad.    
What if he had lost Leo? What if he had stopped breathing and left him all alone?    
Takumi couldn’t imagine how life would be without him. How would he spent his free evenings that were usually filled with bickering over who was cheating at Shogi or lazy cuddles in bed? What would he do without their friendly sparring sessions or the comfortable silence they enjoyed in these rare moments in which neither of them talked?    
  
What was he supposed to do without the knowing and comforting touch of his husband?   
  
What-   
  
“I am  _ delighted _ to tell you that Prince Leo’s condition is stable  _ for now _ . But  we can’t guarantee that he will wake up anytime soon. He has been severely injured and needs time to rest.”, the cheerful voice of Azama pulled Takumi back into reality.    
  
He stared at the priest for a long second.   
  
Leo wasn’t dead.    
  
Leo was still breathing.   
  
Leo was still  _ alive. _

 

Takumi was overwhelmed by the emotions that were crashing down on him. He was relieved and overjoyed.   
The split second  in which he had thought he had more dignity than to cry all over again was a lie. He couldn’t stop the tears, not that he had actually tried. A huge smile spread across his face, the information that Leo wasn’t dead truly sinking in and he didn’t waste another second with standing around like an idiot.    
With a quick motion he slipped into the tent, nearly stumbling because he was still shaking in his boots.    
  
His eyes immediately fell onto Leo and the smile that spread across his whole face faded, instantly replaced by a look of worry.   
The realization that he still wasn’t in the clear dawning on him.   
If Leo had looked even worse when Ryoma and Camilla had found him, Takumi was glad he wasn’t present because now he was certain he wouldn’t have been able to handle it.    
He looked  _ miserable _ .    
Leo’s whole upper body was wrapped up in bandages, some of them already stained a slight reddish color. The paleness of his skin painted a bitter contrast to the bruises littered all over.  The usual barely noticeable pink tint of his cheek was gone, his hair was dirtied with dried mud and blood, even his hands looked thinner than previously.    
Takumi couldn’t remember if he had ever seen his husband look so fragile, like a single touch could make him fall apart.    
Taking a deep breath, he slowly approached the bed, carefully sitting down on the chair propped up next to it, like making the smallest of noises could startle the unconscious man.    
The knowledge, that he was stable, that he wouldn’t just pass away right in front of him, did barely help his worries.    
  
His fingers interlaced with Leo’s after a short moment of hesitation.   
  
He wanted to say something, but speaking didn’t feel right yet. So Takumi settled for slowly stroking his thumb over his knuckles in a comforting gesture, hoping that even if Leo was unconscious he could still somehow feel it.   
  
All Takumi could do now was wait.   
  


\------------

 

The days dragged on and Leo’s condition didn’t change and neither did Takumi’s worries.   
Azama had clarified that there was not much more they could do for Leo at this point. They couldn’t give Takumi the promise he so much needed. The promise that Leo would be fine and that he just needed some time to recharge and he would be as good as new.   
But life wasn’t that kind to Takumi. It had never been.    
Leo had been struck by what seemed like an amazingly powerful tome after all and nobody seemed to know how it had affected him, much to his dismay. Even if  Leo’s state was stable for now, it could worsen any second. Takumi had no confirmation that Leo would make it.    
And that thought terrified him.    
He hadn’t moved from his spot besides Leo, not daring to leave his side for longer than a few minutes at a time.    
What if he woke up when he wasn’t there? What if Leo stopped breathing and Takumi couldn’t inform someone in time? What if Leo would leave him alone after all?   
  
Takumi barely slept.   
  
Oboro and Hinata checked on him daily, making sure that he ate and drank enough and sometimes Hinata even managed to get a small half hearted smile out of his lord with one of his jokes or stupid story. Sometimes it was his banter with Oboro.    
He enjoyed the moments in which he wasn’t so alone, yet he never let go of Leo’s hand. It calmed him  to feel the warmth radiating from his husbands skin, reassuring him that he was still alive. Not much admittedly, but it did nonetheless.   
  
Sometimes even his own siblings came for a visit, but the most frequent visitors where Corrin and the rest of the nohrian family. Takumi didn’t mind them.   
Especially Elise was a welcome break from his grim, anxiety filled thoughts and she never passed up on teasing a small smile out of Takumi.    
In the time he and Leo had been together, engaged and married, she had wormed herself in his heart with her happy attitude, her colorful stories and even her obsession with asking him if she was allowed to do his hair from time to time. He knew that, similar to Sakura, he would do everything he could to protect her and make sure nobody even dared to look at her wrong without facing consequences.    
Whenever she smiled or talked about something that truly excites her, Takumi couldn’t do anything but feel happiness creeping in his chest.   
  
He could still clearly remember the day she had first referred to him as her ‘brother’ and looking back at it, it made Takumi’s heart swell with pride, even if he hadn’t reacted quite the same way back then.   
It was shortly after Leo and him had told their families about their relationship, everything still being a little awkward.   
All of them had been sitting at the table, Elise happily chatting with Camilla about something irrelevant, when she suddenly interrupted her own speech.   
  
“What do you think about that, brother?”, she had asked, pure joy in her voice.   
  
At first Takumi didn’t even look up from his food, shoving another load of rice into his mouth. It was just when neither Leo nor Xander answered to her question that he looked up, noticing Elise big, round eyes looking directly at him, full of glee and waiting for an answer.   
  
Just thinking about it made Takumi smile and he squeezed Leo’s unmoving hand, remembering how his - back then - boyfriend had done the same to him underneath the table, when he noticed that Elise was speaking to Takumi.   
  
Even now she was sitting in front of him, way closer than just a year ago, telling him about her retainers antics.

 

“... and then Arthur actually fell over some rock or something and tried to grab Ellie for support. She fell down with him.”,she covered up one of her chuckles with her hand. “And they tell me I’m the childish one.”   
  
“You know, I’m surprised Arthur is still alive.”, Takumi answered, rolling his eyes as he imagined said retainer falling over, taking the heavily armored Elli down with him in a desperate attempt to not actually fall.    
  
“So am I.”, Elise confessed, obviously a tiny bit ashamed but none less amused. “But I have to go now. I promised to meet up with Sakura and Hana. And yes! Don’t worry. I will tell them greetings from you.”   
She stood up, throwing her arms around him for a tight squeeze and skipped to the entrance of the tent.   
“See tomorrow, Brother!”, she exclaimed happily, leaving him alone once again before he even had the chance to wish her a goodbye.   
  
The moment the last of her twintails vanished from his side, Takumi turned his head back to Leo’s still unmoving form. Taking in his exhausted and pale features and if he wasn’t aware of his very slow breathing, Takumi would be convinced he looked at a corpse.    
The thought sent a wave of chills down his spine.   
  
“They really miss you, you know.”, he said into the silence of the tent, pushing some of the blond locks out of his husbands face before speaking up again. “I miss you too.”   
  
It was ridiculous how easy it was for him to start crying.    
He liked to blame it on the lack of sleep from time to timet, but he knew better than anyone that it wasn’t that. It wasn’t the exhaustion.    
It was the worry and the empty space Leo had left.    
The usual friendly arguments replaced by one sided conversations and silence.    
He would give everything for Leo opening his eyes, looking at him with the same smug smirk he always used when he was layin in the medical tent, stating he’s fine and that Takumi shouldn’t worry about him too much or he might get wrinkles early.   
  
The memory was like another stab to the heart, yet he couldn’t hold back a wet chuckle. With a shaky hand he brought Leo’s own hand up to his lips, carefully kissing the ring. Takumi didn’t even notice how the entrance to the medical tent opened once again.   
  
“Oh- Excuse me.”    
  


The voice startled Takumi and couldn’t keep himself from making a surprised jump in his chair, before looking at the intruder.  
  
“Ah. Hello Xander.”, he greeted, immediately looking away again, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, patting his face dry as well as he could. He hated when people saw him cry.  
  
“I didn’t want to interrupt anything, Takumi. Should I leave again?”, the crown prince asked, head slightly tilted to the left. It was an honest question, Takumi could tell.   
  
“No don’t worry. Sit down”,he quickly replied, a small tint of pink on his cheeks. “Do you need anything? N-not that you _need_ to have anything in mind to visit Leo. I mean, he’s your brother after all so-”  
  
“I actually came to check on both of you.”, Xander interrupted him, nodding in his direction before sitting down on the chair next to him.   
Takumi couldn’t say he wasn’t nervous with Leo’s older brother around. It added another weird layer of pressure onto him, since he always had troubles talking to the older prince.   
It wasn’t that he didn’t see Xander as part of the family or thought of him as scary, he just never felt quite as well connected to him as to Elise or Camilla. There just never seemed to be anything they could talk about. This situation being no different.  
  
There was a long stretch of silence, both of them watching Leo’s slow, yet steady, breathing.   
  
“I hope you have been taking care of yourself.”, Xander stated, voice neutral and eyes now fixated on Takumi. “Leo would want you too.”  
  
The all too familiar weight settled down in his stomach once again.  
  
“I have. My retainers made sure of it.”, he answered, swallowing the small lump in his throat. “I know Leo wouldn’t be pleased if I starved myself.”  
  
He received a slow nod in response. “I’m glad to hear that, Takumi.”  
  
Another moment of silence. Takumi looked back to his husband, carefully moving his thumb over his knuckles. He was still as pale as in the beginning.  
  
“I’m sure he will wake up soon. It’s not like he could ever leave you alone for long.”, Takumi was slightly taken aback by that statement and he was unsure of how to answer, so he didn’t. Xander took a slow breath in. “You’re still scared aren’t you?”  
  
That question took him by surprise. Never had he expected Xander out of all people to ask him that.  
  
And still….  
  
Takumi couldn’t even deny how scared he was. He still woke up in the middle of the nights he spent in the uncomfortable chair, startled awake by nightmares in which Leo didn’t make it. In which he died right in Takumi’s arms, while he could do nothing but watch. Nightmares in which Leo had stopped breathing while he himself was sound asleep next to him. Nightmares in which they had never found Leo in the first place.  
  
He felt another wave of anxiety crashing down on him.   
  
“I-”, Takumi tried to speak, but his voice came out smaller than expected, breaking immediately. He took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m- yes.”

Leo’s features became blurry and he cursed himself for being so easily affected by a simple question.    
  
A heavy hand pressed down onto his shoulder.   
  
“We are all here for both of you, you know that right? You aren’t alone.”, Xander asked, voice serious but not without an undertone of worry. Takumi nodded.   
  
“Yes. I know.”   
  
The hand on his shoulder moved a bit, attempting to give him comfort and Takumi appreciated it, he really did, but all he needed now was time alone with Leo.    
  
The shaky sob escaping his lips, seemed to be enough for Xander to understand and after giving his brother-in-law’s shoulder another squeeze, he stood up and left the tent in silence.    
  
Takumi was grateful.

  
\------------------------

 

Later that night Takumi shot up.    
His heart was beating rapidly and there was pressure on his ears. He felt sweat running down his neck, the hairs on his arms were standing up.   
  
He immediately scanned his surroundings, eyes landing on Leo’s form in the bed.    
  
He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and a small weight was lifted of his chest. This weren’t the dark, sinister woods he had been in just a few seconds ago and the Leo in front of him wasn’t bleeding nor dead. His chest was still moving with his breathing and his skin still felt warm. This had just been another nightmare. It hadn’t been real.

  
Takumi took a few deep breaths and looked for the candle on the night stand. He vaguely remembered extinguishing the flame before laying his head down on the bed.   
  
Some warm light would surely help him calm his nerves, even if it was just by a little bit.    
  
The nightmares still hadn’t changed and neither had Leo’s condition. He didn’t know that he could get even more worried and he still managed to. The non existent change of Leo’s health was looming over them like a silent threat. A silent threat that it could worsen any second.   
  
It was those hours of the night in which Takumi felt more alone than ever. There was nobody keeping him company at his husband’s side.    
It was only him, Leo and the darkness of the tent.    
  
He lit the candle.    
Within a split second the medical tent was bathed in the soft orange light of the flame, shadows dancing along its walls, along Leo’s face.    
The candle made his face look healthier, fuller, tricked him into thinking it had gained some color.   
Leo almost looked peaceful this way. Like he was just sleeping in their shared bed in the castle.    
It was a relieving sight.   
  
Takumi couldn’t resist and moved his hand forward, placing it on his husband’s cheek, slowly rubbing circles with his thumb into the soft skin. Even like this he couldn’t deny that Leo was beautiful. The fire moved along his long lashes, his high cheekbones and his thin and soft lips and now more than ever in the past week, Takumi wanted to kiss them.    
  
And so he did.    
  
He slowly moved forward, pressing their lips together for the first time since they had moved into battle. He had been afraid of doing so until now. Afraid of how it will feel to not have Leo responding the kiss with his usual eagerness, to not feel a tender hand placing itself at his hip, squeezing slightly.   
  
The answer was that it felt horrible.    
  
Takumi moved away again, face hovering just inches above his husband’s.    
He couldn’t even describe the pain in his chest.   
  
“Wake up soon. Please.”, he begged. Hoping that maybe this time he would finally get a reaction out of Leo, that maybe he would finally open his eyes, smiling at him and telling him to brush his teeth, because he hadn’t done that in days, that he would finally embrace him again and-   
  
“Nh”   
  
Takumi’s eyes widened in disbelief. He took some distance, eyes roaming over the man in front of him. Had this been his imagination?   
  
“Leo?”, he asked, eyes blown wide and looking for any kind of movement on his husband’s face.   
  
And there it was. The small scrunch of Leo’s face, his nose wrinkling up in the same motion Takumi had seen so often. The small so familiar scrunch of his features, that Takumi always got to admire whenever he was awake before his husband.    
Leo shifted his body slightly, a small uncomfortable groan leaving his throat.    
  
Takumis fingers started trembling.    
“Leo!”, he exclaimed, squeezing his hand.    
There was an overwhelming amount of joy filling out his chest and before he know it he was crying again. This time out of pure, ridiculous happiness. He couldn’t hold back the small whisper. “Thank the gods you’re awake”

 

Like he had waited for him to say another word, Leo slowly cracked his eyes open, and Takumi was sure he never felt happier to see his husbands hazel eyes looking up at him.   
He knew he had to be quite the sight, a face splitting smile, tears running down his cheeks, dark circles under his eyes and shaking like he was freezing to death.    
  
He tried to hold back, wanting to give Leo a little time and space to wake up, but the moment their eyes met, it was like his body was moving on it’s own and within the blink of an eye he had wrapped his arms around his husband’s body, carefully embracing him, minding his wounds. The least thing Takumi wanted to do was to cause him any kind of discomfort. He was sure Leo’s limbs had to be throbbing with pain enough already.   
  


“You’re awake.”, he said, more for himself than Leo. “I can’t believe you’re finally awake.”   
He put some distance in between them, looking at Leo’s looking for any signs, of happiness from his husband’s side. 

  
_ Nothing. _ _   
_   
“Who- who are you?”, the sound of Leo’s voice made him stop completely.    
He scanned the features of his face once again and didn’t find any of the usual emotions Leo looked at him with. The look on his face seemed distant. Wrong.    
  
They looked at each other for a while and Leo’s eyebrows furrowed, giving him an expression that spoke of how displeased he was. Takumi hadn’t seen it directed towards him in over a year.    
  
“ _ Who _ are you?”, he asked again, this time seemingly more awake. Takumi didn’t like the way he was looking at him. His eyes were narrowed and his brows knitted in confusion and annoyance.   
  


“I’m- I’m Takumi?”,he clarified, panic rising in his voice. No sign of recognition in Leo’s face.    
“Yo-your- Your husband?”, he tried again, grabbing Leo’s hand and holding it up next to his own, matching rings in plain sight.    
  
The questioning and confused look on Leo’s – his husband's – face felt like a stab through his heart. Worse even. Like someone was slowly, very slowly putting more and more pressure onto his chest, making it harder and harder to breath until it was impossible for him to fill his lungs with the much needed oxygen.

He felt himself starting to shake, more than before that is.

Takumi wanted to say something, anything. He wanted to tell Leo that this wasn't funny, wasn't appropriate, but it was too hard to swallow down the lump in his throat. It hurt too much.

 

„Are you alright?“ Leo’s face of confusion turned into one of slight worry. It wasn't the same type of worry he usually looked at him with. There was nothing familiar and warm behind it.

 

It was the look of worry you gave a stranger, when you didn't know what else to do.

 

Unable to look into the truly unknowing eyes of his husband anymore, he looked down, the realization that this wasn't a joke, that this was the cruel and undeniable truth, drawing to him.

Leo didn't remember him. Leo didn't remember who he was. Leo didn't know they were married, wanted to adopt kids. He didn't know about anything they had been through.

But worst of all?   
  


_ Leo didn't love him anymore. _

 

It felt like Takumi’s whole world was pulled away under his feet.

He had been so scared of not finding Leo, of him being dead and he had been so, so relieved when they had found him and he had been told that, even though he was seriously injured, Leo had a chance to wake up again.

 

What they couldn’t have know was that it didn't make any difference if Leo woke up or not.

 

Because even though Leo was looking straight at him, awake, fine and well, Takumi had still lost his beloved husband.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Takumi, always being the punchingbag of the fandom.
> 
> But do not worry my friends there will be a happy end at some point, when I feel inspired enough to write a whole chapter of fluff.   
> Since I'm a real slow writer though that might take a while. /D   
> There will be a happy end though so that's something to look forward too!   
> I just can't let these boys suffer too much.


End file.
